I’m lost. I don’t know how I feel. I’m at a very confused point in my life. I yearn to disappear so I don’t have to go through this mess I call my life. I’m over this world, these people, everything. it’s all useless. I want to find myself. I want time alone. I want the psychologist that I have been asking for for months. I need someone to talk to that has professional insight. I don’t need my friends. I don’t need my family. I need a stranger. I want to unleash everything that I have ever held in. I want to reveal thoughts and feelings that I have never shown or told any one about. I keep trying to open up to my friends. I text them or call them with the intent to let out just a smidge of what I’ve locked inside but I “forget” or think of something real quick. my heart actually hurts. I feel pressure in my soul. there are weights everywhere on my body keeping me grounded. but I’m too grounded. I’m too closed off. I am about to burst. I just can’t do that though. I can’t let people know anything until I talk to a psychologist. I feel like I’m lying but I’m not. these are personal thoughts that only have to do with myself. you can’t lie about things people don’t know anything about in the first place. I’m sure you could create a debate about that but this is my life. my thoughts and feelings are about to explode and I want to be alone for it.
I’m home from the forest and i will write about my experience tomorrow so stay tuned. it’s juicy ;)